Tuesday, August 7, 2012

In Which I Respectfully Request That People Stop Judging Me, at Least to My Face, Because It's Really Annoying and Kind of Rude.

I'm getting really sick of people complaining about my attitude. In the first place, are you kidding me? Who goes around chastising people about their attitude? I'm an adult, and I get to decide my own attitude without reference to what you believe it should be. In the second place, I have to admit I find it a little ironic that I'm not allowed to complain, but you're allowed to complain about my complaining. Could you maybe just quit judging me instead? I am allowed to not like fireworks going off in my backyard, and you probably do not have fireworks going off in your backyard five weeks after the Fourth of July, and even if you do I am still allowed to not like them going off in my backyard for five weeks after the holiday, so maybe just relax about the fireworks, okay? Yeah, I complain sometimes. You don't even hear the half of all the things I have to complain about. I have a pretty freaking crappy life right now, and part of it is the almost total lack of support I'm getting from family and friends who don't even know what I'm going through, but choose, instead of asking, to bitch about my "negativity" and immoral socialist politics.

I'm just having a hard time feeling bad for you right now. I really don't think I'm that unpleasant a person to know. Yes, I post a lot about politics, sometimes too much. But I also make very sure that everything I post is civil, well-reasoned, and thoughtful—quite unlike that political meme garbage YOU post. And when you post something I find offensive, do I come on your wall and attack you about it? I do not, but you sure do it to me, and then you have the nerve to be pissy about ME posting political things. Yeah, I'm getting pretty sick of that.

I'm also getting really sick of having to explain myself to people all the time. So I'm just not going to do it anymore. I mean, seriously, do you have any idea how tiring this is? How depressing it is to know that no matter what I post, someone I care about is going to read it in the most negative way possible and assume all kinds of horrible things about me? I say I think government and religion should be separate, and people decide that I have no respect for religion or anything spiritual. I say I think the government has no right to force women to be pregnant, and people call me a baby-killer. I say I think it's important to help people who need help, and people tell me that I've been brainwashed (of all the condescending things to say to someone, good grief). Each of those things is a near quote of something multiple people have said to me. If these were random internet trolls, these kinds of baseless and hurtful accusations would make sense—but we are talking about people who KNOW ME. In some cases, people who are RELATED to me. In all cases, people who supposedly like me! How on earth is that possible?

Well, it's been like this for four years now, and I'm just too tired to keep worrying about it. So here we go: If you want to assume the worst about everything I say, fine. I no longer care. If you don't think I'm a nice person without my trying to convince you of it, then fine. I don't know why we're still friends, and I don't think that makes you a very good one.

If you want to discuss some ideas, I am totally open. If you disagree with me and would like to explain why, I will be glad to listen. If you don't understand my views on something, please, feel free to ask for clarification. But if you're just looking to pontificate about how liberals are destroying society and ruining everyone's morals and sending us all to hell, then feel free to keep that to yourself. If you're just going to complain that you think I'm being "negative" about something, don't bother. And if you must share, don't be surprised that I don't respond. I generally spend a lot of time choosing the words I write, and if you can't actually READ THEM and just respond to WHAT I SAID, then I'm not sure why I think saying more words is going to fix things. Because the problem is obviously not in our communication, but in your preconceived ideas about me. And that's outside my jurisdiction. I'm responsible for what I say; you can be responsible for how you interpret it (and how you judge me based on that interpretation). That was never my job, and now I'm finally going to stop trying to do it.

16 comments:

  1. I think you're awesome, Miri. And anyone who doesn't can keep their traps shut.

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  2. I am so sorry you have been bullied lately. It's really so sad. People really think it's their job to 'correct' people into 'appropriate' thinking. I hope I've never been one of those people to you...or to anyone else really! I always thoroughly enjoyed knowing you and seeing you through your information. I don't always 100% agree but I have never thought ill of you because of that. I think you are fabulous in so many ways!
    The problem is people become their political stance or religious stance and you challenge their existence. I love that! There have been several things you've posted that have enlightened me and made me a better person because of reading your thoughts. Those people unwilling and hateful are missing a great asset you have. Your honesty! Your enlightening, refreshing honesty. Some people don't like to be challenged and I imagine you are heavily surrounded by those with complete opposite opinions...it's hard to find a balance for you, I am sure. And I am sorry that’s your lot right now.
    Anyway...I don't think I have a real point in this post other than to say...I like you, I like knowing your opinions, I like chatting with you occasionally, and I really am sad that you are being bullied about your greatness, especially from people that obviously mean a lot to you. I hope you stay strong and hit those bullies in the face! * winks*

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  3. You're the best, Miri. I'm sorry life is so crappy right now. You really don't deserve that. You definitely don't deserve to be treated the way you're being treated.

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  4. Sometimes you just need a good rant - for your own benefit, but also maybe someone will read this and either knock it off, or at least stop bothering you with all of their precious feelings.

    I'm super glad you posted this on fMh, and I will be a loyal blogstalker from now on. On another note, I vote that we should be friends in real life, because 1) you might move to my neighborhood, 2) we hate the same (kinds of) people and like the same books, and 3) reading down a few posts, I'm also sort of starting to run but am not that good at it, so I walk a lot of the time.

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  5. Just to let you know, in a class I had at work today, I was asked to list five people with whom I enjoy communicating or who I seek out when I'm looking for motivation. I had a common theme within these people: I seek out people who make me think, who make me analyze, who make me consider. You were one of the five people I listed. You are exactly who you are, and you don't have to explain yourself to anyone. "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."--Eleanor Roosevelt

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  6. Thank you, ladies. Janeen, your comment almost made me cry. Thank you. It's especially meaningful because I know you really don't always agree with me. :) I know you're right, and I also know that I haven't been careful enough about some of the stuff I've posted that challenges people's existence. The thing is, I was challenging my own existence, and for a long time I didn't really realize how it would affect other people. I still don't happen to think that's an excuse for some of the appallingly judgmental stuff that's been said to me, but I have finally started to figure out that certain things just need to be kept more to myself and talked about with people who feel similarly.

    Becca, I vote friends in real life, too, especially because I have almost none of those anymore. :) If we like a lot of the same books, I am already sold! Plus, I love your neighborhood and really do want to live there.

    Jenna, that is amazing. Thank you. The timing here is totally bizarre--I actually just read this blog post on my aunt and uncle's blog earlier today, so I was thinking along those same lines! I love our conversations, too; they always surprise me. Thanks.

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    1. Sorry, no intention to invoke tears! And just for the record, I might agree with you a little more often than you think. *winks*

      I, too, hate the fireworks at all hours of the night. They should have a time restriction. When my kids (and me) are up because of them, it’s very annoying! I guess I have a bad attitude too…among other things!

      The point though Miri, challenging yourself is a great thing and the effect that has on others is their own, not yours. You expressing your truth isn't infecting them with it. It is not your responsibility to fix or cater to everyone else’s belief system...especially when you do it here on the blog. Facebook...that's just a place for people to be mean because they can type whatever they want to an inanimate object or cyberspcae and they forget real people are behind those photos. Anyway, I tangented, you are not responsible for their cruelty. They are. And they will have their own price to pay in that hatred. No matter what our differences are, no matter how right or wrong someone is (which is all relative anyway) it’s never ok to be mean.

      But then again, maybe I am just being selfish because you limiting your expression leaves me without your wisdom and insight to bless my life…

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    2. You're right again, of course! I know, and that's something I need to work on. Have you read Love and Logic? My friend Nancy (just below this comment) recommended it to me today, and it sounds like it's exactly what you're talking about. I'm really interested in looking that up.

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    3. I think I need to come up with something else brilliant to say just hear you say "You're right!" again...I don't here that much at my house! *winks*

      I LOVE "Love and Logic". I try to use that in parenting my kids, that's been my focus with it. It really is so helpful in so many situations too though. I hadn't thought of how it could apply to this...great idea! You should read it. In fact, I going to get it back out and read it again. Refreshers are a good thing!

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  7. Right said! I love it all, but especially your last paragraph. Rock on, my beautiful friend.

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  8. way to stand up for yourself. stay strong.

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  9. Sorry to hear things are tough lately =0( I basically never comment on blogs/Facebook, but I wanted to let you know I still think of you as a friend...ah, the days of the Glenhood. Hang in there!

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  10. Seriously. Well said! I just don't get people. If they don't agree with me, then don't read my blog or unfriend me. I'll be fine, I promise.

    Jeez. I just don't get the need for some people to constantly berate you with other crap! Do they think it helps?! I'm so sorry you're going through this. You are tough.

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  11. Thank you, friends! I do not feel at all tough, but I am hoping to get there. :)

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  12. So funny that we both wrote about this this month. I haven't been reading your blog as I should. I sort of got lost reading so much online while I was with family. I love that you are brave enough to post about the good the bad and the ugly. I let one incidence over four years ago ruin me and how I share myself with others. I would love to get that real me back. It is funny how a person can make me feel that way. I need to be more confident in who I am so that I can't let anyone tear me down. Problem is I let almost everything tear me down. Even my husband who loves me makes me feel like crap and he is never meaning to. Wish we could hang our more, but I may be moving back to Utah. That was a crazy trip and I did way too much. I should have tried to make one more dinner work, but I was feeling overwhelmed with doing things towards the end. I am hoping to be back in the land of zion soon to make it that much more Zioness with my presence.

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    1. Laura, either I missed this completely, or I just forgot to respond! I'm sorry, and I hope you'll see this, even though I know you probably won't so I might have to send you a message on Facebook, too. Because you said you might be moving back to Utah, and I just looked there and saw that this week you found out you are! I'm so excited about this. I haven't talked about politics much lately either, so we can empathize together when you come back. You're right, and I need to do the same thing; we both need to learn that other people's opinions just don't have anything to do with who we are and how we see ourselves.

      I wished we could hang out again before you left, too, but don't worry about it! I know how hard those crazy trips can be, and toward the end when you're trying to cram everything in, some stuff just doesn't work out. But it's fine because now you'll be back for good and that is AWESOME! Wow... It's such a coincidence that I just now reread this comment, the same week that you announced you're moving back. Bizarre.

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