Excellent commentary on the uselessness of this phrase (which I really dislike):
"It's more sexually enticing to not be sexually enticing!"
It's sad, really, because you can see that kids who say this are trying to be positive. They're trying to say, "I can still be attractive, even if I reject fashion choices that society as a whole sees as necessary." And that's a great message. But framing it as who is "hottest" takes that positive message and spins it in a really messed-up way.
This phrase is the ultimate example of how modesty obsession is just as sexually objectifying as the culture it's trying to reject. Modesty (in this sense) is supposed to be about respecting our bodies and understanding that our physical appearance is not the most important thing about us. "Modest is hottest" does not do that. It just allows you to be a sexual object with more clothes on.
I'm reading a memoir of a girl who grew up a Hasdic Jew and their ideas about modesty are seriously scary and somehow eerily familiar.
ReplyDeleteI think there's more than one reason Mormons feel such an affinity for Jews. :)
ReplyDeleteThe other thing I don't like about this is how it teaches Mormon boys that they shouldn't respect girls who don't dress "modestly". I actually remember often hearing boys say things like this, when I was a teenager. They were trying to say how much they appreciate it when Mormon girls dress modestly, but then they would throw something out there like, "I just can't respect non-member girls the same way because they dress so immodestly." As a gullible young Molly Mormon teenager, I thought this was the sweetest thing ever and a sign of how wonderful and righteous these young men were (for not wanting to be sexually enticed by girls' bodies). As an adult now, I think about what an awful, awful message that is—that if girls don't dress according to your standards of modesty, you shouldn't (or can't) respect them. Um... rape culture, anyone?
ReplyDeleteI don't even think modesty can be measured in that sense without hurting someone. What's considered appropriate and modest to one is completely different to another. Certainly I think dressing in a manner specifically to call attention to the body and 'entice' is disrespect to yourself but beyond that what defines personal disrespect. Modest is hottest...I have always disliked that as well...still fighting to be the hottest, wouldn't that, in and of itself, be disrespect to yourself? You trying to be "the hottest" versus just true to yourself. It's just trying to redefine social stigmas to decide what is hot and what it not. How about we just dress ourselves and not be judged for it...no matter what it is. If we were in the middle the desolation of Africa, the women don't even wear shirts...are they disrepecting or inappropriate or asking for lustful thoughts...I am kind of babbling here but I just wish that we could stop finding more reasons to create steeper judgements toward others. Don't judge a person based on how they appear but by golly you sure better 'appear' yourself in the appropriate manner! Main point...modest is hottest is just as dangerous to the self image...
ReplyDeleteYour "babbling" is fantastic, Janeen. :) I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said. On a related note, have you read Female Chauvinist Pigs, by Ariel Levy? The subtitle is "Women and the Rise of Raunch Culture". I see raunch culture and Extreme Modesty as just two ends of the same spectrum of objectification: Both claim to be a rejection of oppressive gender roles, but both still focus on the female body and how it appeals to men. In any case, what it really comes down to is exactly what you said—if we could learn to stop judging each other based on our appearances, none of this would even be an issue worth discussing.
ReplyDelete