I think some people have been surprised lately by the things I've been posting and writing about. A lot of things have changed for me in the last few years, and especially this year. A lot of things have happened, I've learned quite a bit, and my opinions and feelings have evolved. In many ways I'm very different from the person I was in college, and even just two or three years ago. It's clear that not everyone thinks this change has been for the better, but I do, and that's what matters.
Someone asked (fairly bluntly, which I quite appreciated) where I am with the LDS church right now, and I may as well share because I think it helps clarify a lot of the thoughts I've been sharing lately. This is what I told her:
Where I am with the church is that I think Mormon culture is absolutely out of control, has extended far, far beyond actual doctrine, and is incredibly judgmental, repressive, and unhealthy in many ways. There are many wonderful things about the church, that's still very true. But it seems that a lot of those wonderful things disappear the instant you start to have ANY ideas that are a little bit different from mainstream Mormon beliefs. You wouldn't believe how I have been vilified and attacked, by former friends, by family, by many different Mormons, for simply having different political beliefs. And not even the super touchy ones, like gay marriage or abortion--I have been called, verbatim, "a bad person" for my ideas on HEALTH CARE. There are actually a lot more liberal Mormons than people think--you just don't know about them because they're afraid of people finding out. For good bloody reason. There are large communities of politically liberal Mormons for exactly this reason--we are not accepted in the majority of mainstream Mormon wards. This is not a church doctrine; General Authorities often stress the importance of LOVE before other things, of respect toward all different beliefs, etc. But it doesn't filter down into actual practice, and this is the kind of stuff I meant when I said earlier that Mormon culture is toxic. It can be great as long as you're like everyone else--although in many ways there are still problems, like in the way modesty is often taught--but if you are different, then it is not great. And I have a big problem with that.
I had several lengthy discussions with a roommate about whether if everyone followed all the gospel principles, if everyone would be exactly the same. She said we would all be carbon copies of each other. I told her that, no, we all have our own individual personalities, experiences, interpretations of things, etc... and that even if everyone were righteous, we would all still be different as we are now, just be in a better world with better feelings and more love and acceptance. We never came to a compromise on the topic, but it made for some interesting discussions.
ReplyDeleteI think the church is true, though the people aren't always true. Everyone's perceptions and experiences color their view so that only pure doctrine is true and everything else is touched by human error.
Many times, what is true for one person (personal revelation) will not be true for everyone, but the story is shared as though it should be. It's a fine line that can only be figured out by the individual.
Everyone just needs to keep in mind that regardless of what someone chooses, from ultra-Mormon to non-Mormon, it's up to them and it can work for them, even if it doesn't work for us. Also, we never really know what's going on in someone's head, even if we think we do.
Thank you for that comment, Lis, it's really wonderful. And obviously I completely agree with what you told your roommate. I think probably the single biggest change that needs to happen in LDS culture is that people be able to see differences as just that, differences--and not as signs of unrighteousness.
ReplyDeleteDifferences being things like political beliefs, not going on a mission, wearing sleeveless shirts, being a working mom or stay at home dad, having tattoos or second earrings, drinking coffee or caffeinated soda, seeing R-rated movies, and any number of other things that are really pretty small in the grand scheme of things, but get blown out of proportion on a regular basis.
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