Here's the micromanaged Mormon process of dating and marriage.
When you do date, make sure boys are GENERALLY the ones who ask.
Make sure you only date Mormon boys/girls (because you marry the people you date).
Make REALLY sure you don't do anything remotely intimate.
Don't date the same person frequently.
Have them meet your parents.
Don't stay out late.
Don't sit in your car.
Don't just "hang out"--a date is a "planned activity".
Have your dates chaperoned by other young couples who are also not being intimate.
"Protect each other's honor and virtue."
Don't have a sexual thought this whole time.
To that end, girls, don't show shoulders, backs, cleavage, stomach, or more than three inches of thigh; don't wear things that fit your form; have only one pair of earrings; short skirts with leggings underneath are not okay, but strapless tops with spandex shirts underneath are. Naked shoulders and legs and backs are okay when you're swimming, but still no stomachs. (And if you have a two-piece that covers your whole stomach but might flash a little bit of stomach when you're in the water, THAT'S NOT OKAY, so you should probably just wear a one-piece; we don't care if it's incredibly inconvenient and you have to strip naked or do some really awkward rearranging to pee, that underwater glimpse of stomach is too much to be borne and you'd just better not risk it.)
Boys, you be modest too.
Also don't be vain and focus on your appearance.
As you start becoming an adult, "make dating and marriage a high priority."
Find the person you're going to marry, date for six weeks, and then, on your wedding night, throw all those years of rigid sexual repression out the window and have a healthy long-term relationship with the spouse you've known for two months. (Never mind the fact that half of you have never been in a long-term relationship before, because until you were 18 you were told not to date one person exclusively, and now you're 19 and married.)
Have babies immediately, because nothing else matters in a woman's life and also your uterus will shrivel at 25.
Women, stay home with your kids because otherwise you are selfish and your children will suffer.
Happily ever after.
Change a few words in there--like "car" (to "carriage") and "hang out"--and this could be a guideline to dating in the Victorian era. Seriously, could we nitpick things more? Why does every tiny little aspect of life have to be regulated by rules? What happened to personal responsibility and leading horses to water?
Does life really need to be motivated by the fear of how many ways there are to screw things up?
Best rant ever!
ReplyDeleteThank you, Marisa. :)
ReplyDeleteDid you know that the Church just released a new, updated version of For the Strength of Youth? You can read more about it here (http://lds.org/church/news/for-the-strength-of-youth-updated-and-refreshed?lang=eng&query=strength+youth). I find it to be pretty open to interpretation and not as rigid as you describe the Church as being.
ReplyDeleteIt's interesting to see how things are changing in the Church. I remember that the first few years I went to girl's camp, tankinis were banned outright. No exceptions. But as they started to become more popular, the rules were changed to allow them (since they can still be very modest and are MUCH more convenient for peeing!).
I heard about that, Janie, and I really like that they added emotional health into the section about physical health. The way they did it is a little problematic, but I think it's great that the issue is being addressed. It's at least a definite step forward.
ReplyDeleteI don't think much has changed in the dating/dress and appearance sections, though, and a lot of the points I used come straight from the pamphlet (half of them, actually). There are also a few more that aren't in the pamphlet, but have specifically been said by General Authorities at other times. That covers the majority of my list, so I don't think my description is that far off. Obviously it's being a little sarcastic, but there's a pretty clear basis for it. :)
However, the point you brought up about tankinis is encouraging. Things like that never were official rules in the first place, they just come from bishops and YW/YM leaders. So it's certainly nice if those are starting to loosen up in some places, although I don't think anything widespread will change since it's all just up to local interpretation.
Wow I don't even know what to say. I am sad you feel so restricted.
ReplyDeleteWell, I don't feel restricted (about this, anyway), considering that I'm married and almost none of this applies to me. :) But I really do find myself wondering why we believe we need so, so many rules in order to be good people. It feels very fear-based, and I don't like the idea of structuring life around fear.
ReplyDelete"Also don't be vain and focus on your appearance."
ReplyDeleteHeh. :)