It has come to my attention that some people might feel hurt by the thoughts I've been sharing. I can understand that, and I want you all to know that I am not judging anyone's choices. I'm talking about my own experiences, and I am fully aware that others have had different ones. I do think there are problems with Mormon culture, yes, but that doesn't have anything to do with individuals' choices--none of these behaviors are problems except when they expand beyond an individual and start being forced on others and taught as doctrine.
I've said many times, and I'll say again, that I do not think there is anything wrong with dressing modestly, nor do I think that dressing "immodestly" is preferable (I use scare quotes because I think the concept of what is immodest is one of the problems). I am not saying that Mormon girls should start wearing tube tops and miniskirts everywhere. I am only talking about problems with the way modesty is taught, when it becomes just as objectifying as the worldly attitude it is supposed to be opposing. Sexualizing something doesn’t mean just making it look sexy--it means that you see it first and foremost for its sexual nature. If your first concern about the female body is to cover it up so it doesn’t look sexually appealing, then yes, you are sexualizing it. Whether you see it as a sexual object to be flaunted or a sexual object to be hidden, it is still a sexual object.
I think I have also said that I do not judge people who don't share my political beliefs. Yes, I have strong opinions. In many cases I believe that the position I hold is the right one, which in some cases means I think opposing viewpoints are wrong (as opposed to just less preferable). This still does not mean I think you are a bad person, nor will I ever tell you that you are. I think I am entitled to believe that something is right or wrong. I do not think I am entitled to judge your character based on your choices, and I don't think you are entitled to judge mine.
If you were bothered by the Mormon dating satire I did a couple posts ago, I am sorry, but it was that--a satire. Again, I wasn't saying that there is anything wrong with a person making those choices; I was talking about Mormon culture at-large, which teaches those choices as the morally right ones to make. It is one thing for a person to decide to get married before 21; that is an individual's choice, and it is fine. It is quite a different thing for a religion to teach that young women (and only young women) should get married before 21. That's what I have a problem with.
I understand how people could feel hurt by things I've said, and I want to make it clear that I'm not intending to say anything personal about anyone. So please don't take it personally. I am certainly not attacking anyone, and I'm very sorry if anyone feels that I am. And for the record, I don't think it's okay to attack people because you were hurt by something they said.
"If your first concern about the female body is to cover it up so it doesn’t look sexually appealing, then yes, you are sexualizing it. Whether you see it as a sexual object to be flaunted or a sexual object to be hidden, it is still a sexual object."
ReplyDeleteAbsolutely perfect, concise summary. Right to the heart of the matter.
I have not been offended by any of your posts. I know you don't post things maliciously or with the intent to attack people, but you post mostly about politics and religion, which are sensitive subjects for pretty much every one. I am surprised and sad to read how you are criticizing the teachings of the prophets. I'm not entirely sure you see that is what you are doing. I understand the issues with the culture of the church as I struggle with that a lot myself, but when it comes down to it, you have to decide whether or not you can overlook those things and do what the prophets and what the Lord is asking you to do. Dress modestly, live modestly, love one another, follow the word of wisdom, whatever it is they are asking. Sometimes you have to overlook the ridiculous things people say in church bc it is coming from an imperfect person. If you feel attacked, distance yourself from that person or that topic. Do things and accept things with faith because the Lord is asking you to do them. I'm not saying follow blindly, and I really hope that is coming across, but things can get hinky when you start criticizing the teachings of the prophet.
ReplyDeleteI understand why you'd feel that way, Lin, and I know it feels weird to be questioning the prophets. It's not really something we're encouraged to do when we're growing up. But the prophets themselves have encouraged us to question everything and decide for ourselves how we feel about it. And I don't see that as an empty offer--question all you want as long as you come to the same conclusion we do--I take it seriously.
ReplyDeleteI don't think that in order to be a member of the church you have to just accept everything as it is, even if you can't feel good about it. I think that belief is why Mormons are so bad at accepting those who are different, and I think it should change. The prophets are not perfect, and neither are any of the other people involved in running the church. They make mistakes, and they make changes. That's okay. That's why people need to evaluate things for themselves. I feel fairly certain that God doesn't want us to approach religion as something that will tell us every little thing we should and shouldn't do.
I think you know me well enough to know I do my fair share of questioning. I actually think we are struggling with similar cultural issues at the moment. Like I said, my comment was not that we should follow the prophets blindly, but that we should have faith and follow the spirit. One of the things we are taught most is agency, and I also believe that our Heavenly Father wants us to make our own choices.
ReplyDeleteBut I also still think you are starting to blur the lines. I told another friend last night, that the problem comes when you start to do the little things the prophets specifically ask you not to do. One cup of coffee, one pair of short shorts, or whatever, is not going to be the end of the world, but if you get to the point where you need a cup of coffee every morning to function, then you have actively chosen to ignore the word of wisdom. For the Strength of Youth is there to do exactly what it says, strengthen. I have been a member my whole life, living outside of Utah, and without those things constantly being addressed, I would have made much different choices. Even with those things being constantly addressed, we all have friends who made the choice not to follow those guidelines and have had to deal with less than awesome things in life. They are guidelines to help strengthen and enhance our lives. When we start nitpicking those guidelines or criticizing the prophets - not questioning, but criticizing - I think you are dealing with more than just being annoyed with Mormon culture.
I am annoyed by Mormon culture. I am annoyed that bc I am still single, no one has any idea what to do with me in a family ward. I am annoyed when people tell me, "It will happen for me someday" with that awesome look of pity. Those things are all insensitive and somewhat ignorant - but the church is true. The gospel is not made up of those things. It takes a lot for me to look past them and focus on the spirit and try to hear what I need to hear and, especially recently, I haven't really been trying to listen (bc I feel like being stubborn and pigheaded), but I know that as soon as I do - as soon as I can push all that other stuff, that white noise, out of my head, than I will get answers to things I want answers to or I will at least feel some kind of peace. Sometimes it just takes a minute to get there.
Lin, I disagree that Miri is starting to "blur the lines." I think that's just doublespeak for "you are saying things that are outside of my comfort zone."
ReplyDeleteI've really enjoyed some of the past posts because I am confident that people can say and do whatever they please and that their faith and mine is our own respective business. I always get frustrated when people express "concern" over things I post on my own blog because it always seems to be more about their own discomfort than my own very serious exploration.
Perhaps Miri is more than being annoyed with culture, but she has a right to do that as part of her own journey. Personally, I think criticism is necessary, on any text. It's what gives a text nuance. I view For the Strength of Youth as guidelines, or overly-prescriptive good advice and don't take it as scripture at all. I have scriptures for that.
Thank you, Lauren. :)
ReplyDeleteI know you have questions too, Lin. But I often get the impression from people, as I have from your comment, that they think that because they also question, anything that goes beyond their questioning is "too far." I appreciate your concern, I really do. I'm just not sure why pointing out how much Mormon dating sucks merits concern--everyone who's been to BYU certainly already knows what a mess it all is. :) Yes, I do happen to think that this is an area in which it's very obvious that the General Authorities are all men who were raised in the 20s, 30s, 40s, and 50s.
I think it's perfectly acceptable for an individual to decide what's modest for them, or a parent for their children (and I think it's highly inappropriate for church leaders to send children home from an activity if they're not precisely within the allotted Mormon specifications). I think sixteen is a great guideline for dating, but I think a parent's decision, based on their own children, is more important. And I think it's completely up to parents to decide whether their kids have sleepovers (and can't quite figure out why the church has been talking about it so much). You see what I mean? It's fine and good for the church to have suggested guidelines about these things, but they are guidelines, not scripture. And that means that an individual can choose how to use them in their own life.