I followed an amazing trail of fantastic articles today. It started with something that referenced this post on rape culture from earlier in the year, which links to this post on why we need to stop teaching Young Women that they should be modest "for" the Young Men, then to another post written in response (which I find absolutely infuriating all the way down to the comments, which the author apparently thinks help his case), and finally to this post which is so amazing that I sent it to my younger brothers, who are now fully immersed in the grown-up dating world and who are too otherwise sweet and awesome to not have this information under their belts. Somewhere in there--I can't remember where--a blog linked to this post on Standards Night by the woman who founded Segullah.
There the thread broke and was picked up in a totally unrelated post on a different site, which I deemed irrefutable evidence of harmony in the universe because it's exactly the same topic but now addressed by men (in articles posted several months after the ones by the women). It started with this post on the privilege men don't know they have in not having sexual assault be a part of their daily thoughts; that post led to this one on harrassment and all those "jokes" that women "just don't get" because they're "oversensitive" (I sent this one to my brothers, too, as it's basically the male-perspective version of the first one I sent)... Which led to this fantastic guide for men called How Not To Be An Asshole.
Really, some of the best reading I've done in a while, and that's saying something. I'll end with something that was linked in the comments on one of those posts, and which I tried to post on Facebook but since it's been "loading" for about fifteen minutes I suspect that it's not going to make it:
Rape culture is 1 in 6 women being sexually assaulted in their lifetimes. Rape culture is not even talking about the reality that many women are sexually assaulted multiple times in their lives. Rape culture is the way in which the constant threat of sexual assault affects women’s daily movements. Rape culture is telling girls and women to be careful about what you wear, how you wear it, how you carry yourself, where you walk, when you walk there, with whom you walk, whom you trust, what you do, where you do it, with whom you do it, what you drink, how much you drink, whether you make eye contact, if you’re alone, if you’re with a stranger, if you’re in a group, if you’re in a group of strangers, if it’s dark, if the area is unfamiliar, if you’re carrying something, how you carry it, what kind of shoes you’re wearing in case you have to run, what kind of purse you carry, what jewelry you wear, what time it is, what street it is, what environment it is, how many people you sleep with, what kind of people you sleep with, who your friends are, to whom you give your number, who’s around when the delivery guy comes, to get an apartment where you can see who’s at the door before they can see you, to check before you open the door to the delivery guy, to own a dog or a dog-sound-making machine, to get a roommate, to take self-defense, to always be alert always pay attention always watch your back always be aware of your surroundings and never let your guard down for a moment lest you be sexually assaulted and if you are and didn’t follow all the rules it’s your fault.This is something that always bothered me as a teenager, long before I knew why it did, and as an adult I've thought about it a lot. Have you had any experiences with it? (This is a silly question to ask, because if you're a woman it's virtually guaranteed that you have, and to my knowledge I have maybe three male readers; but I'll ask nonetheless.)
–Melissa McEwan from Shakesville, on FAQ: Rape Culture 101
I should have included this link in the post, but didn't think about it until now because it's one I read several weeks ago and wasn't part of the train of posts today. It's about how Mormon ideas of modesty actually sexualize girls just as much as "the world" does.
ReplyDeleteI remember hearing in young women's- dress modestly for the guys, to help them, etc.... I always thought that was a little unfair- guys don't have to look and they can change their thoughts! It makes them seem like animals with no control. I like that poster you put on the blog. This is definitely something that needs to be talked about with everyone, not just girls. You are responsible for your own actions. No one else is responsible for your actions, and you aren't responsible for other's actions.
ReplyDeleteYay, I'm glad you can comment again! Blogger has really not been people's friend lately.
ReplyDeleteYep, I heard the same lessons--absolutely constantly, it seemed--and I thought the same things. I think it's pretty crappy to portray men that way, too; we're simultaneously demeaning perfectly wonderful men who are in fact quite capable of controlling themselves, AND providing the creeps with justification for their bad behavior. Add this to how damaging it is to young girls, and we have a seriously lose-lose situation. So why do we do it?
I think people do it because that's what they were taught, but we- you and me, don't have to do it. We can teach the next generation of kids, and our own kids, a better way. People do a lot of things thinking they are protecting their kids and not realizing the damage done instead. Uneducation, tradition, fear of change. There are many things/sayings/ideas/etc... in the Mormon church, and everywhere (people doing the same thing the same way just because it's always been done that way), that aren't doctrine, they aren't necessarily true for everyone, they don't help everyone- yet they are passed on from person to person. I think it's up to an individual to take each thing heard and decide for themselves what's good and not, like the church teaches. No blind faith- you take what you hear and then you need to know for yourself, not just automatically believe. People are just used to being sheep and following what they're told. We need to think outside the box for ourselves, but at the same time realize that everyone is in a different place and situation and has a different personality, so not everyone will make the same choices.
ReplyDeleteIf you were a man, you'd understand.
ReplyDeleteRyan
I'm sure I would. :) Where do I know you from, Ryan, somewhere in the blogosphere?
ReplyDeletehttp://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WtzIcz7MOkc
ReplyDeleteWOW, Doug, that is unbelievable. What an interesting study! Pretty crazy results, too. Not surprising, though, considering the way men are conditioned practically from infancy to view the female body as a means to an end. Thanks for sharing that.
ReplyDeleteI thought the speaker was doing really well until the last minute or so, when he fell right back on the old "women are responsible for how men think" ploy. If men are naturally hardwired to see women as tools when they're wearing less clothing--which I don't actually believe they are; I think it's the result of centuries of conditioning by patriarchal societies--that's men's problem to deal with. It's their responsibility to overcome that "natural man," not women's responsibility to forever have their behavior dictated by it while men plead helplessness. :)