SkyMall Adventures

Sometimes looking through the SkyMall magazine is really fantastic. To be honest, I've actually seen plenty of things in there that I think would be really awesome gifts; but then sometimes, what you find is just the most ridiculous thing you can imagine, and you need to mock it on the internet.

Like the Swoop n Scoop, a cereal bowl with separate compartments for milk and cereal. So you "never eat soggy cereal again," and can stand around in your kitchen having a hilarious time feeling like a midget because your cereal bowl could serve salad for six.

Or this Vintage Express Aging Accelerator, which is supposed to add "the delicious flavor of 10 years of aging" to your wine in seconds by recreating the earth's magnetic field. Is the idea of instantly aging wine as funny to you as it is to me? I'm not sure why it is. There's a wine rack, too, which "transforms inexpensive red and white wines into premium vintages," using magnets that realign the particles of the wine. Not kidding.


These next two may be some of my favorites: the Litter Robot and the Litter Kwitter 3-Step Cat Toilet Training System. For potty training cats.

I really don't know what to say about those, or about this: the Brobdingnagian Sports Chair. On the one hand, I am kind of thrilled about a literary reference; on the other hand... What? Why? It says it "affords ample room for sharing with a friend." I don't think so, Tim--those chairs, even giant sized, are not comfortable for two people. Six cup holders in the armrests? What is le point? And of course this is all beside the fact that at five and a half feet tall, this chair is going to annoy the crap out of anyone sitting behind you. I'm just saying--funny idea, but maybe not great for real life. I feel like this was invented by ten-year-olds.

And speaking of literary references, I think this alarm clock may be the nerdiest and most fantastic thing I have ever seen. The alarm wakes you with a bird singing, then "a discreet cough" and a message from a butler in the voice of Stephen Fry--a different message every morning for six months before they start over. "Message sample: (discreet cough) Good morning, Sir. I'm so sorry to disturb you, but it appears to be morning. Very inconvenient, I agree. I believe it is the rotation of the earth that is to blame."

And finally, there is this collection of uber-nerdy movie memorabilia inspired by Harry Potter, Lord of the Rings, Batman, The Da Vinci Code, Avatar, and others. You can buy the earrings Hermione wore at the Yule Ball, Xenophilius Lovegood's necklace, or the Triwizard Cup. For myself, I am wondering just how nerdy it would be if I were to buy and wear the Evenstar Pendant of Arwen... Too nerdy? Or just nerdy enough to be awesome? It's kind of a theoretical question because I'm not spending $150 on a necklace anytime soon, but it's still one for which I'd like an answer... Just saying.