This is the name of an article from BYU Magazine that I saw linked on another blog. It's a nice article, short, and you can read it here.
I'm posting about it because I found it really dissatisfying. I fully identify with the subject--this is exactly what I've been going through for the last few years of my life. I felt a strong connection to the writer's experience, felt solidarity with someone who was describing my situation almost perfectly. And that's why I was so disappointed with how easily it ended.
It's obvious that the article was shortened to fit space constraints--that kind of conciseness comes from editors, not writers. There was probably more padding in the original, and a less abrupt ending. But it's not just the quick ending of the writing that bothers me, it's the quick ending of the story itself. It pretty much sounds like this experience took place over the course of a school year. She got back from her mission, thinking she had it all figured out; she took a class that made her start asking questions; she struggled for months; and then she found peace.
What?
Was it really that simple for her? Because I'll tell you what, it has not been for me. I'm going on... well, several years, at least three and at the most eight depending on where you start counting (about which I am not sure). Reading articles like this ends up being pretty frustrating, because they always seem to end the same way: namely, with the author suddenly realizing--all in one warm fuzzy moment--that ultimately God will take care of everything. And then that's it.
But is that really it? I mean, I've had those moments too, tons of them--and the thing is, they always end. You can't get through these kinds of questions with little spiritual epiphanies, because really, they aren't epiphanies; they're things you've always been told, and maybe sometimes you forget them for a while and so it's supremely encouraging and uplifting to be reminded, but in the end you didn't actually learn anything new that will change your situation or add another piece to the pocket watch. If you're really talking about "deeper, unsettling questions" and "a full-blown Cartesian experience," then it seems a little improbable to me that all your problems can be solved in one moment of sudden understanding.
But maybe it's just me.
"You can't get through these kinds of questions with little spiritual epiphanies, because really, they aren't epiphanies; they're things you've always been told, and maybe sometimes you forget them for a while and so it's supremely encouraging and uplifting to be reminded, but in the end you didn't actually learn anything new that will change your situation or add another piece to the pocket watch. "
ReplyDeleteMiri, it is NOT just you. I went through the same thing you are going through now. The problem with Decartes is that his whole argument is based on circular logic. I discovered this a short while after reading Meditations.
Also, after reading the article, it sounds more like an existential experience rather then what Descartes actually went through...
The problem I find with most of the Western philosophers, from Descartes on, in general is that they all operate under the assumption that mind and body are separate. If you would like to know a little bit about my depression, and how I've made peace with myself, I'd invite you to write me an email and let me know.
Your questions are valid. You have every right to an answer that is not a regurgitated talking point. If you want to talk, I'll be glad to talk to you via email: lari(dot)hammond(at)gmail(dot)com
I would love to do that, Larissa. I'll send you a email this weekend.
ReplyDeleteHmmmm,this is obviously not what I got from the article, and it's interesting to me that you interpret it this way. Honestly, I don't think the article is clear on how long this journey has taken the girl over all. There is reference that it may have started in during her freshmen year, but that a lot got surpressed over the years.
ReplyDeleteEither way though, I think the key part to me is the very last part of her essay - starting to put something together again doesn't mean it's complete. It just means you're in the process of reconstruction. I didn't feel that this girl was suggesting in any way that she had a complete faith crisis, and then figured it all out and fixed it within a few months.
I think rather she was suggesting that she had the crisis, and then a few key experiences that helped her find the strength and desire to move and and re-build rather than being lost in the ruins of her old believes for a long time.
Clearly, the transition can vary in time for anyone, but I don't think there is a need to be frustrated because some bounce back faster than others. To me that's like being upset that someone isn't absolutely devastated for years after the death of a loved one. Some move quickly through the steps of healing from such losses - maybe within months, others struggle for years. I don't think there is a right or wrong in that. It just is.
I have kind of had my doubts and issues for years, but only had some sort of complete melt-down in the last few months. I feel like I have bounced back fairly quickly though. I hit a wall, and I didn't like hitting the wall. So, I figured out some things that worked for me, things I felt made me run into a wall that I didn't actually have to run into.
But that's just me. Others struggle for a long time, and their journey takes them on different paths. That's ok.
The favorite part about this article for me was the scripture she used. I felt like that idea set me free. And I appreciated the fact that a BYU magazine dared put in an essay that discussed something like a faith crisis.
I'm sure you're right about how I was reading the time frame, Fran (which I feel silly calling you, but I'm going to anyway if you don't mind, because I know that's what you post by on fMh). And you're right about not being frustrated because someone else comes back faster, too; I felt a teeny bit chagrined when I read that, actually, because I totally was feeling that way. :)
ReplyDeleteActually, though, it isn't really the quickness of her experience that bothers me; I really am not upset that other people figure it out faster than I am, except for the occasional twinge of jealousy. I guess what I have a problem with is the fact that all the stories seem to be like that. I've heard a lot of stories like this, to one degree or another, in sacrament meeting talks, Sunday School lessons, magazine articles, or whatever, and it just gets discouraging when they all seem to go this way. Maybe it's just because no one feels like telling the story until it's reached some resolution, which kind of makes sense. And maybe my attitude is just too negative here, instead of focusing on the positive message of the stories (that they got through it). I guess that's just where I am now, not really feeling very optimistic about getting through it.
I did love the scripture, too, and actually started writing a post about the things it made me think about.