All I was able to think about for the last couple months was traveling. I was going to go to Washington, D.C. in September for the National Book Festival; we're going to Utah in October for Anna's wedding; I'm hopeful (but less certain) that we'll still get to go to Austin later in October for the Texas Book Festival (as pretty much a consolation prize for not being able to make the national one).
Most of all, Mike and I were planning a trip. A big one. It kept changing, as we kept having to adapt our budget. (I have at least four versions, detailed down to the hotels we'd be staying in.) Now the whole thing is off the table, unless something big happens very soon and our income increases by approximately $1000 a month.
So I've given up on that for this year. (When I say "have given up," I mean "am slowly, slowly getting myself to accept the fact that it won't happen.")
Now, for the last few days, all I've been able to think about is missing extended family and wanting to go to Arizona. "Where We're Going to End Up" is a theme that never leaves the backs of our minds, so any time somewhere is mentioned we start considering it for living-there possibilities. I've known for a long time that I never want to live in Arizona again--the heat is pure evil and the politics would probably cause my premature death by stroke, plus scorpions--but sometimes I just miss family so much. I still have this ridiculously strong desire to spend time with my cousins, aunts, and uncles and get to know them, and since I've been around them for a total of maybe three months since 1994, it hasn't really happened. Facebook has been a blessed angel in this regard, but even it can only do so much.
The moral of which is that I actually said to Mike, earlier today, "Well, maybe we should just move to Arizona for a year or two!" Yeah. We're at that point.
On the one hand: Since I am always wishing I were somewhere other than I am, I feel like I need to learn to be happy with what I have.
On the other hand: I can't help thinking that it's not unreasonable to want the things I want, that I should be able to have them, that I shouldn't settle for never getting to do the things I've always dreamed of doing.
So which hand is it? WHO EVEN KNOWS.
In the meantime, nothing. Being poor sucketh.
The end.
I feel your pain Miri! Last year I just wanted out of Provo. I wanted to go somewhere and do something different but every time I looked at a particular place and then looked at our budget I realized there was no way we could take a trip, it was so depressing! Sean knew how much I wanted to travel so he surprised me with a weekend away in Park City, it was small but really helped. We are lucky that family has subsidized our summer vacations so far! Check out the local attractions and go just a few hours away, it may help=)
ReplyDeleteWhen are you going to Utah in October, I will be there the week before the 15th, we are probably blessing the baby that weekend=)
That's when we'll be there! But only for a few days, so I don't know if it'll coincide with your trip. The wedding is on the 8th and I don't know exactly how long we'll be there, but it'll be the days around the 8th.
ReplyDeleteThat's nice that you were able to have a vacation! Park City is really beautiful. We don't have a lot of options around here besides Austin, Houston, and San Antonio, none of which are anything new to me. :) Plus the air conditioning in our car is not very good and a road trip in this weather would not be very vacationy.
That's not really what it's about anyway, though. It's not that I'm desperate for a vacation--just that I've always wanted to travel and never have. We were planning to take our first trip out of the country, which we want to do soon because we want to consider starting to have kids soon and want to do that first. Anyway, it's a big complicated thing. Just frustrating.
"Since I am always wishing I were somewhere other than I am, I feel like I need to learn to be happy with what I have."
ReplyDeleteThis is so true for all of us, huh? I find myself struggling with this every now and then. It's so easy to think things will magically be so much better when we have a house, or more money, or whatever. But it is SO important to figure out how to be happy NOW. There is no one magical place or situation that will solve all of our problems or make us completely, blissfully, incandescently happy, right? The key is figuring out how to be content with what we have.
Try reading Elder Hales' talk from April 2009 General Conference. It's called "Becoming Provident Providers" and he has some great thoughts on this very subject.
Also, something I've been thinking about: is it a possibility for you to go back to school to finish your degree? You were only a couple of classes away, weren't you? Then you could get a fabulous library job and hopefully have a little more financial security.
Just some thoughts. I hope things start looking up soon!
I would love to do that, but no, unfortunately it's not an option right now. And it wouldn't be a solution anyway, because I won't be working when we have a baby, so it's Mike who needs the fabulous job. He's still technically in school, but not taking classes right now because he works too late every day. He needs a better job so he can take classes to get the degree to get a better job... Silly situation, isn't it? :)
ReplyDeleteNot all of Arizona is evil! You need to try out Tucson. The weather is only evil for like 3 months of the year and the politics are way bluer if you catch my drift.
ReplyDeleteI do indeed, and it is intriguing. I have cousins who live in Tucson, but if it's any different from Mesa/Phoenix I wouldn't know. Definitely something to consider. :)
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