Tuesday, October 30, 2007

Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow

I hope all my days will be lit by your face
I hope all the years will hold tight our promises
I don't want to be old and sleep alone
An empty house is not a home
I don't want to be old and feel afraid
I don't want to be old and sleep alone
An empty house is not a home
I don't want to be old and feel afraid
And if I need anything at all
I need a place that's hidden in the deep
Where lonely angels sing you to your sleep
Though all the world is broken
I need a place where I can make my bed
A lover's lap where I can lay my head
'Cause now the room is spinning
The day's beginning

All around me are familiar faces
worn out places, worn out faces
Bright and early for their daily races
going nowhere, going nowhere
Their tears are filling up their glasses
no expression, no expression
Hide my head I want to drown my sorrow
no tomorrow, no tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
it's a very, very
mad world
mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
happy birthday, happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
sit and listen, sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
no one knew me, no one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
look right through me, look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles
it's a very, very
mad world
mad world
enlarging your world
mad world.
Don't think sorry's easily said
Don't try turning tables instead
You've taken lots of chances before
But I'm not gonna give anymore
Don't ask me
That's how it goes
Cause part of me knows what you're thinkin'
Don't say words you're gonna regret
Don't let the fire rush to your head
I've heard the accusation before
And I ain't gonna take any more
Believe me
The sun in your eyes
Made some of the lies worth believing
I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, I can read your mind
Don't leave false illusions behind
Don't cry cause I ain't changing my mind
So find another fool like before
Cause I ain't gonna live anymore believing some of the lies
while all of the signs are deceiving
I am the eye in the sky
Looking at you
I can read your mind
I am the maker of rules
Dealing with fools
I can cheat you blind
And I don't need to see any more
To know that
I can read your mind, I can read your mind
Turn look, look out and see.
Do you see me? Cause I think I see you.
I've been some other place.
The wind that I chase, it all just leads back to you.
Oh how I'm still, so still its burdening, it's still outran.
I knew you when I was young, but where I am right now.
Is where I am.
Run to you, I will run, I will run
I will move, right on through all these things I have done.
And you'll take me back, I don't know why.
I wanna say I'll never do it again, but I can't
But I will try.
Turn and look, look out and see.
Do you see me? Cause I think I see you.
Ive been some other place.
The wind that I chase it all just leads back to you.
Oh how I miss what you miss, but I will fall time and again.
And I will say, that I'm true to you, but I'm a cheat.
I don't understand.
So I'll run to you, I will run, I will run
I will move, right on through all these things I have done.
And you'll take me back, I don't know why.
I wanna say I'll never do it again, but I can't
I wanna say I'll never do it again, but I can't
I wanna say I'll never do it again, but I can't
But I will try.
And oh the awkward way that you recoil when i get close
And oh the awful grin that greets me when I know I'm wrong
So down on hands and knees, choking, gasping, dripping spit,
I just cant make good on any of these promises
Then he asked me
"What does that mean?"
Whats another word for desperate
Repetition makes an impression
Whats another word for desperate
I wont be around here for too very long
So tip the bottle back
Bobble forward and watch it break
We can all be sure something awful's comin this way
So take this medicine in measured doses
Take your time cause they'll tear into you
They will they will they will they will
Then he asked me
"What does that mean?"
Whats another word for desperate
Repetition makes an impression
So whats another word for desperate
I wont be around here for too very long
I wont be around here for too very long
And they'll tear into you
They will, they will, they will, they will
Take it apart, Let it all go
Having your back, its all just so..
Why did I care, how did it go
Wait for a while and I guess that
I wont be around here for too very long
I wont be around here for too very long

I'm so tired of being here
Suppressed by all my childish fears
And if you have to leave
I wish that you would just leave
'Cause your presence still lingers here
And it won't leave me alone
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
You used to captivate me
By your resonating light
Now I'm bound by the life you left behind
Your face it haunts
My once pleasant dreams
Your voice it chased away
All the sanity in me
These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
There's just too much that time cannot erase
I've tried so hard to tell myself that you're gone
But though you're still with me
I've been alone all along
When you cried I'd wipe away all of your tears
When you'd scream I'd fight away all of your fears
And I held your hand through all of these years
But you still have
All of me
Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Tip toe to your room
A starlight in the gloom
I only dream of you
And you never knew
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
And falling from your grace
ooh
There's nowhere left to hide
In no one to confide
The truth burns deep inside
And will never die
Lips are turning blue
A kiss that can't renew
I only dream of you
My beautiful
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
Sing for absolution
I will be singing
Falling from your grace
yeah
Our wrongs remain unrectified
And our souls won't be exhumed

Helplessly hoping her harlequin hovers nearby
awaiting a word
Gasping at glimpses of gentle true spirit
he runs wishing he could fly
only to trip at the sound of good-bye
Wordlessly watching he waits by the window and wonders
at the empty place inside
Heartlessly helping himself to her bad dreams he worries
did he hear a good-bye or even
hello
They are one person
They are too alone
They are three together
They are for each other
Stand by the stairway you'll see something certain to tell you
confusion has its cost
Love isn't lying, it's loose in a lady who lingers
saying she is lost
and choking on hello
They are one person
They are too alone
They are three together
They are for each other

Repress and restrain
Steal the pressure and the pain
Wash the blood off your hands
This time she won't understand
Change in the air
They'll hide everywhere
No one knows who's in control
You're working so hard
And you're never in charge
Your death creates success
Rebuild and suppress
Change in the air
And they'll hide everywhere
And no one knows who's in control
Change in the air
And they'll hide everywhere
No one knows who's in control

I can't sleep tonight
Everybody's saying everything is alright
Still I can't close my eyes
I'm seeing a tunnel at the end of all of these lights
Sunny days, where have you gone?
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shinning I can't avoid the lightning
I can't stand myself
I'm being held up by invisible men
Still life on a shelf when
I've got my mind on something else
Sunny days, oh where have you gone
I get the strangest feeling you belong
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightning
Oh where did the blue sky go?
Oh why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Oh where did the blue sky go? oh why is it raining so?
It's so cold
Why does it always rain on me?
Is it because I lied when I was seventeen?
Why does it always rain on me?
Even when the sun is shining I can't avoid the lightning
Why does it always rain on me?
Why does it always rain on...
Take your head around the world
See what you get
From your mind
Write your soul down word for word
See who's your friend
Who is kind
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be
Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine
Take your straight line for a curve
Make it stretch, the same old line
Try to find if it was worth what you spent
Why you're guilty for the way
You're feeling now
It's almost like being free
And I know soon you will be
Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine
Take yourself out to the curb
Sit and wait
A fool for life
It's almost like a disease
I know soon you will be
Over the lies, you'll be strong
You'll be rich in love and you will carry on
But no - oh no
No you won't be mine

Ode to Lili

I would just like to say how much I love dearest Lililou Graham. I did not spend nearly enough time with her last year, nor did I get to know her as well as I now wish I had. But in any case, she and I had a fabulous talk today about things, and it made me very happy to talk to her, and also want to write a blog about her. She sounds like she is getting closer to moving back in with us, and this makes me VERY EXCITED! I really hope she does. Lili is a very amazing girl--very few people can manage to be so passionate about so many things--and also a nutcase. Which, let's be honest, brings to light another point, and that is that we understand her in a way most people cannot. And between that, our friendship with dearest Drewsie, our giant journaling extravaganzas, and the page in her GJ we all contributed to entitled "Why I Am Moving Into Belmont Apt 36" (or something along those lines), I can really see no other alternative. She must again become our roommate. Clearly it was meant to be.

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

A Little Soapboxing

I would just like to say that I think making Dumbledore gay right now was really ridiculous and stupid. The books are out! They're done! Which, to me, makes this more about publicity than it is about the character. Apparently she's known he was gay since before the first book was published (article). If she would've told us he was gay to start out with, that would've been fine. Probably a lot of people wouldn't have read the books then, but that would have been their choice, and it would have been up front and honest. But she waited until now to tell us, which makes it look like cheap publicity stunt to keep her in the spotlight after her last book came out. Not very classy if you ask me, and pretty disappointing.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Two Things.

Before I get started, I just want to establish a couple things. First, in this post I am talking a lot about Mike's and my relationship. This brings up all kinds of opportunities for commenting. I am used to this, because having lots of friends/family involved in my life means that I hear a lot of people's opinions concerning my relationship. However, I am also wary of it, because there are some things that, to be honest, I don't want other people's opinions about.

This is related to my second point of establishment, which is that right now I'm writing purely for venting purposes, so I'm not going to explain myself on some things. You, however, are still welcome to comment on whatever you like. But I may not respond to it.

So this thing that Mike and I are trying. I've only explained it to a couple people, so quick recap: I've been talking to my mom and she really thinks Mike and I should try a break before we get married-- not from dating each other, just some time when we're physically not close to each other. (This, I found out, is why she's been pushing both a mission and a study abroad.) Well, I don't have money for a study abroad, although I would go in a heartbeat if I could. And I really don't feel like testing my relationship is a sufficient reason to go on a mission. Not really what missions are about, you know? So neither of those are options. The only other one that I can see is putting off the wedding indefinitely and moving home after I graduate. This is also not an option for me, because it has been hell every time I've been home for more than two weeks in the last four years. I don't have friends there anymore, and I've discovered that I don't do well living at my parents' house since I've moved out.

However, Mike and I talked about it, and we see her point. So what we decided was that starting this week, we're only going to see each other on weekends (weekends being Friday night, Saturdays, and Sunday dinner with his family). Well. Yesterday was supposed to be the first day and already I didn't like it, so we compromised. We went out, but we went on a DATE--an actual date where we have something planned, and when it's over we go home instead of just hanging out. (I confessed to Megan before I left and she seemed to think it at least wasn't a total failure. It is an attempt, after all.)

But you know what, it's Tuesday today and I'm ready to quit. I don't like not knowing where he is, what he's doing all day. I mean, I texted him today and asked what he was doing, and he was at Barnes & Noble. And I actually teared up when he said that, realizing that I am now very disconnected from him, and I hate it.

This is related to the other one of the two things I wanted to talk about in this post, namely, texting. I'm so sick of it. It's such a crap method of communication. Pretty much the only person I still text (and like texting) is Megan, and that is because she and I have an ability to be unusually expressive in our texts to each other. I can almost always tell how she meant something, and this is probably because we're the same person. But with everyone else (boys and Mike in particular), it's really irritating because you get stupid short replies that don't really say much but waste a text, texts that do NOT respond to questions you specifically asked, texts that get lost WHO knows where in cyberspace or come hours late, ones that are indecipherable because the person used predictive text but didn't pay attention to which word they were using, ones that convey a completely different attitude from 1) what you were expecting or 2) what the sender meant. It's so frustrating, and I'm so sick of it. But at the same time I feel an almost irresistible compulsion to pick up my phone every fifteen seconds and see if I've gotten a message. I can't STOP texting. It's engrained in my social interaction software. I don't know what to do without it, and yet I'm so frustrated with it that anymore I don't even finish half my texts-- I get irritated in the middle and just put my phone down without sending a response, knowing full well that in another two or three minutes I'll get a text asking where I've gone.

Grrrrrrrr.

Saturday, October 20, 2007

Is This Physically Possible?


Which Office Character Are You?

You are part Pam. You are sweet and likable, but your shyness makes it hard for you to express yourself sometimes. Regardless, you are always there for your friends and will usually come out of your shell to help anyone.
You are part Ryan. You are extremely smart and perceptive, and it irritates you to no end when inferior people try to tell you what to do. Sometimes, though, your critical eye makes you come off as aloof and bitter to others, and it may take awhile for people to get to know you.
Find Your Character @ BrainFall.com



and also, if it is, should I shoot one side of myself in the head?

Hello

So here's something interesting about my day today.

Tonight I went to the testing center for the first time in probably almost two years, because all my tests in that time have been in class or take home. Very strange.

However, the point is that I found myself walking up the hill (yes, Rape Hill, to be exact) by myself when it was very dark. This was not a big deal until I reached one point on the hill where I distinctly saw something hiding in the bushes to my left. It looked like a boy's legs, so I was looking closer as I walked past and realized no, it was not a boy-- it was deer. Several of them.

Weird! It seems very strange to me that there would be deer on that teeny hill. I mean... where do they come from? Do they live on BYU campus? Is there really enough foresty foliage on the south side of campus that they can live there with the same degree of solitude and stay away from human ness that normal mountain-dwelling deer enjoy?

And also, they are surprisingly creepy at night. I got to the Maeser building before I realized that I didn't have my student ID, so I had to turn around and walk right past the deer again, noticing even more of them this time around. It was a scary experience, I will not lie. The whole time I was thinking that I was probably about to become the first college student ever to be attacked by deer on campus, and people would write articles talking about how strange it was, how unlike their species, how out of character such an unprovoked attack is for such docile animals.

Lest you worry, however, I was not attacked by the deer, and I got my test taken (surprisingly painlessly considering 1) I have done almost none of the reading for that class and only a little more of the homework, 2) in all honesty I have to admit that I haven't been to class very faithfully in the last two weeks, and 3) I didn't study even one second for this test). The Lord is my shepherd.

In other news, I am very excited for the football game tomorrow!

In still other news, I am kind of sad that college football games are almost always on Saturdays, because I discovered tonight while driving past Provo High's game and while listening to my mom talk about my own high school's game which my family went to tonight that I really miss Friday night games. There's something a lot more exciting to me about going to football games on Friday nights, and while it is also fun to have them during the day on Saturday, I feel like it lacks some of the glamour that high school games had.

One last note before I think I'm done-- I cannot believe how impossible it is to find a picture of my high school stadium online, or even any other Texas high school stadiums! I mean, if you knew how big football is in that state, you would understand how shocked I am by this. Pretty much what's going to happen is when I go home for Thanksgiving, I'm going to the stadium, taking pictures, and posting them online myself.

Good grief.

Ok so that's all. And by that's all I mean... I really could keep talking about things for a long time, but I think I'm going to not.

My iPod is freaking out and it is freaking me out. Not. Awesome.

The end.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

You Are 93% Feminist



You are a total feminist. This doesn't mean you're a man hater (in fact, you may be a man).
You just think that men and women should be treated equally. It's a simple idea but somehow complicated for the world to put into action.

Monday, October 15, 2007

Nine Phrases Women Use

Normally I'd edit this before posting it on my blog, lest someone glance at it and think that I wrote it this way... but I'm too tired now and I don't care.

Also, I'm not in 100% agreement with all nine of these, but I think they're all right to some extent, and there are definitely some that I use exactly this way.

Nine words women use...

1.) Fine : This is the word women use to end an argument when they are
right and you need to shut up.

2.) Five Minutes : If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.
Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more
minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.

3.) Nothing : This is the calm before the storm. This means something,
and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing
usually end in fine.

4.) Go Ahead : This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!

5.) Loud Sigh : This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement
often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinks you are an
idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing
with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)

6.) That's Okay : This is one of the most dangerous statements a woman
can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard
before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.

7.) Thanks : A woman is thanking you, do not question, or faint. Just say
you're welcome.

8.) Whatever : Is a women's way of saying 'Screw You' !

9.) Don't worry about it, I got it: Another dangerous statement, meaning
this is something that a woman has told a man to do several times, but
is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking 'What's
wrong?' For the woman's response refer to #3.


I think #6 and #9 are my favorites. Especially #6. :)

I <3 Dave Barry

Highlights from the Dave Barry article Megan emailed me entitled "Mr. Language Person: Watch your language."


The philosophy of this column is simple: If you do not use correct grammar, people will lose respect for you, and they will burn down your house. So let's stop beating around a dead horse and cut right to the mustard with our first question.


Q: I am in the field of business, and people keep saying they want to ''touch base'' with me. They'll say, ''I just wanted to touch base with you on the Fooberman contract,'' or ''We need to touch base on the rental sheep for the sales conference.'' But my understanding of the rules is that if you touch base WITH somebody, at the same time, at least one of you is out. So my question is, who the heck is "Fooberman''?
A: We decided to consult with William Safire, one of the top experts in the language field, but his number is not listed.

Q: When the Marvelettes sing, ''Deliver de letter, de sooner de better,'' are they using correct grammar?
A: No. The correct grammar would be, ''Deliver de letter, irregardless.''


Susan Olp sent in an Associated Press story concerning a lawsuit verdict in which a lawyer is quoted as saying: ''It sends a message to gas companies in Wyoming that gas companies better operate safely because people are not going to tolerate being blown up.''


Renee Harber sent in a police log from the Corvallis (Ore.) Gazette Times containing this entry: "12:38 p.m. July 20. Report that a man near the Crystal Lake boat ramp was threatening to kill the next person he saw wearing a kilt.''


TIPS ''FOR'' WRITERS: In writing a screenplay for a movie, be sure to include plenty of action.
WRONG: ''To be, or not to be.''
RIGHT: ''LOOK OUT! GIANT RADIOACTIVE SQUIRRELS!''


So amazing. Like whoa.


Sunday, October 14, 2007

Well, Lindsey Did It...

What I was doing ten years ago: I was 12 and feeling incredibly awkward leaving Primary and going to class with all the high school girls.

What I was doing five years ago: I was a senior in high school, applying to BYU, taking and retaking the ACT, and not caring about my grades anymore because I'd already had senioritis for a year.

One Year ago:
At this time last year I was trying to decide whether I wanted to date Phil or Tyler and, as a result, doing a BOYS RUIN YOUR LIFE page in my giant journal.

Yesterday: Volunteered at the Scarecrow festival with Jennie, Megan, Sam, and Mama Zaelit. It was Mike's and my 11 month anniversary, and we spent it watching Serenity with my roommates and nerdy boys from our ward.

5 snacks I enjoy:
flaming hot Cheetos, baked cheddar and sour cream Ruffles, Symphony chocolate bars with toffee, strawberries in sour cream, avocado on bread with lemon juice

5 Things I would do if I
had $100 million: pay off all my student loans, give some to each of my siblings and my parents, put the majority in savings, start a college fund for my kids, and of course do some frivolous spending.

5 Places I would love to run away to: home, an island somewhere, Mesa, the East Coast, Europe

Five TV shows I like:
The Office, Gilmore Girls, Friends, Seinfeld, What Not to Wear

Five things I hate doing:
waking up early, folding/putting away my laundry after I've washed it, getting any work done on my car, returning things at the store, clearing off my bed before I can sleep in it

Five biggest joys of the moment:
Mike and I had a really good night. He's planning the proposal/working on the ring. I'm starting like my fifth book of the past week. I get to (have to) start planning a wedding. I'm feeling really good tonight. :)

Thursday, October 11, 2007

Bon Jovi and the Foo Fighters are on SNL together

So I have to post this for a couple reasons.

First of all, I think the 25 worst band names ever is just pretty cool. Second, I couldn't help feeling that I probably appreciated it more than most people (Lindsey, Megan, pretty much anyone reading this blog-- you will understand-- it's just the kind of humor we all appreciate).

Numbers 17 and 18 are two of my favorites.

One small warning: There is some language in the descriptions. I hope it doesn't offend anyone too much.

http://www.cracked.com/index.php?name=News&sid=2145&pageid=1

Wednesday, October 10, 2007

I Must Apologize in Advance

...for the dirtiness of this post. But I can't help it. It's amazing.

I found it on Facebook.


Monday, October 8, 2007

I Love Blogging

1. It has become apparent to me that I really do go through blog phases. Sometimes I forget about my blog for weeks at a time (see June through August-- seven posts in three months), and sometimes I post nearly every other day (13 posts in the last three-ish weeks).
2. I am having a lot of fun stealing post ideas from Megan and Lindsey and Lili and Lili's mom.
3. I really like what Megan did with her 100th post. However, my 100th is forever away (about 50, actually), so I am going to do the same thing except with 50.
4. We are going to pretend that THIS is actually my 50th post and not my 51st, because it would just be silly to do something to commemorate my 51st post.


So here I go: 50 things that I have to be really happy about.


1. I am loving having a blog right now.
2. I got to switch the page on my calendar, which is a really pretty one of pictures of the Great Wall of China. I love switching calendar pages.
3. I got a new laptop that I like very much.
4. I am on Megan's list of things that make her happy-- more than once. :)
5. I got to talk to Lindsey online today, something I haven't done in a really long time!
6. Lindsey is coming to visit in a month!
7. I've been listening to a lot of really good new music lately (and when I say new I mean both new stuff and stuff that I've had forever and just hadn't listened to), like Straylight Run, Jimmy Eat World, and the Hairspray soundtrack.
8. I LOVE Hairspray and can't wait for it to come out on DVD! I've never left a movie theater feeling happier.
9. Mike is great.
10. I went to two candle parties and bought yummy candles both times.
11. I got an editing internship with BYU Studies and so far I am loving it.
12. I discovered a new lotion that I love-- Green Clover & Aloe from Bath & Body Works (Megan has it, and one day she came out to the sink area while Janie and I were getting ready and we both looked at her and said "Wow, you smell amazing!" And that's how I discovered it.)
13. General Conference has been amazing and there is still one session left.
14. I have been taking notes for GC in my giant journal, which will be finished-- sort of-- as soon as I finish my conference notes. I will have one page at the back to do a The End kind of page, and then I have a couple blank ones to go back and do the page that I'd planned on it. But still, coming to the end of a giant journal = very exciting.
15. Somehow my car hasn't exploded yet, even though it's been trashed and I don't take care of it. Tender mercies.
16. I slept in Jennie's bed with her last night, because Megan was at home and why sleep by yourself when you don't have to?
17. I bought two skirts last night at the last place any of you would expect me to shop-- the Sister Missionary Mall. They're very cute.
18. I had a five year old spend the night with me last weekend and sleep in my bed with me.
19. On Wednesday I have to babysit Mike's nephew Cillian in the morning, which means I'll have to take him to class with me. Potentially problematic, but exciting nonetheless.
20. This Saturday is 11 months for Mike and me.
21. I bought The Little Mermaid!
22. I'm going to buy The Jungle Book next.
23. Mike and I looked at wedding rings online. :) :) :)
24. Tonight Landon called me and Mike and I went over to play Settlers with her and Dustin and it was a lot of fun!
25. I ate amazing lasagna today that Nathalie (Mike's mom) made.
26. I can talk about books I've read with Mike's parents and his sister Anna (Rick is reading New Moon and Anna's reading Specials). Also the Office, which they all watch.
27. Jim and Pam are dating!
28. We're going to have a giant journaling party soon with all the girls we used to giant journal with, and I'm vair vair excited about it.
29. I got to order from a Scholastic book order!
30. This picture, which is my desktop background.


31. There is a small lamb named Meekins on my desk, and he is wearing a sombrero.
32. I found a case for Sleeping Beauty to go in, so now it looks like I bought it from a regular store instead of on ebay.
33. Speaking of ebay, I saw an amazing ebay commercial the other day! The slogan was "it's better when you win it-- shop victoriously!" So amazing!
34. Speaking of amazing commercials, there were several in between conference sessions yesterday and today. Wow.
35. I now own the classics "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" and "the Pigeon Finds a Hot Dog."
36. "Who's that-- who's that rappin' at my chamber door? Mr. Raven, Mr. Raven. All up in my grill like nevermore."
37. Hello Kitty is not punk rock.
38. I am in line to inherit Megan's brother's fortune, as long as I hide my Julio Iglesias collection from him.
39. I have comments on my posts! I like that.
40. Megan's recent boy happiness. Seriously makes me as happy as if it was my own.
41. I'm going to volunteer at the Scarecrow Festival this weekend with my roommates! This is happy for several reasons, probably the best of which being that I will get to paint faces.
42. I read Speak for hours today and I love it. I'm really excited to finish it.
43. I have been reading a lot of adolescent lit since Megan took that class, and I really like it because I get to read a lot of books that I always wanted to read but never did.
44. I'm almost done with this list! Which is actually a sad thing, because I'm having a lot of fun writing it. Sometimes it's really good to just write about things that make you happy, because it's super easy to focus on all the crap things that happen.
45. I bought a grown-up looking wallet the other day (and by that I mean it's one of the big ones that looks like ones my mom always had) solely because it kinda feels like bubble wrap and in spite of the fact that I'd just bought another wallet the week before, and today I switched all my stuff to it and I love it.
46. I discovered that Lindsey and Megan aren't the only two people who read my blog (and Krissie occasionally)-- Lindsey's sister reads too! And Lili has been known to read every now and then too. That makes me very happy, although it does mean that perhaps I should be more careful about writing about things like my period. :P
47. I've been feeling creative lately, with all kinds of things to giant journal and blog about.
48. My job lets me work from home if I want to.
49. I finished Speak and it's amazing, and now I'm going to read Stargirl.
50. Megan is listening to some really amazing/weird music right now that Sheldon sent her. It is Phish and it is a 845209123 minute song + weird. But kinda fun.
(51. I'm finished! And this is technically post #51 so I'll have a parenthesized number 51. :))

Yay! That's all for now. I'll probably do another one when I get to 100, just because of how much fun this was. And now, because it is hilarious and awesome, a picture:

What else is there to say?

:)

Saturday, October 6, 2007

High School

I don't really know how to do this, but then it doesn't seem like anyone else who did it really knew what to do either, so I guess I'll just try it out. I don't think I'll try the different attributes to go with each thing, though, because almost everything I'll have to say about high school will relate to the same one.

I didn't talk in public from kindergarten through eleventh grade. I was painfully shy, and when I say painfully I mean that I actually had nervous physical reactions whenever someone spoke to me.

In junior high I was constantly terrified that teachers would make us work in partners, because no one ever wanted to be mine. (I stared at my worksheets when the partner-selecting was going on, pretending that I was already working on it by myself and didn't want a partner, and praying frantically that the teacher wouldn't notice me and try to find me one.)

When I started having orthodontist appointments and would get back in the middle of class, I'd hide in the bathroom until class was over so that I wouldn't have to walk in and have everyone look at me.

When people spoke to me-- even girls, and even if they were being nice-- my face would burn, my heart would start pounding, my hands would shake, and I almost never looked at them when (if) I responded. The physical reaction lasted long after I'd given my usually-one-word answer

I didn't come out of my shell at church. The boys there made fun of me just as bad as the kids on my school bus did. To this day I despise Chia Pets, because one of the boys in my ward always called me Chia because of my hair. I still cringe when I hear that stupid thing that they did in the commercials (ch-ch-ch-chia!). Don't ever buy me one for a present. I'll probably cry.

I couldn't handle getting yelled at. I lied if I thought I was going to get in trouble, not because I was afraid of the punishment, but because I couldn't stand to have someone (particularly an adult) confront me. Part of it was that I was always trying so hard to avoid drawing attention to myself, and I was mortified when I got negative attention.

I had a different best friend every year from second grade to my junior year in college. Actually my sophomore year in college I decided I wasn't going to have best friends anymore, since none of them ever seemed to deserve the title. (Living with Megan since then has changed my mind, for the record.) But for all those years I couldn't figure out what was wrong with me-- No boys wanted to date me, and I couldn't even hold onto a best friend.

And speaking of no boys wanting to date me, I went on one date in high school. The end. This date was right after I turned sixteen, and was with a boy who didn't go to school in our town (he lived in Missouri and I babysat for his dad's kids, so I got to know him when he came to visit). I'm fairly positive that, had he been one of the guys I went to school with, I wouldn't have even had that date. As it was, it was a double with his parents, and he spent more time with his dad on the date than he did with me. Not awesome.

I was pathetic about boys. I had so little contact with them that any minuscule interaction, even an accidental one, was a big deal to me. I've looked back at my journals from these years a few times and I can hardly stand to read what I wrote because it's just so... sad. Sad that such stupid, insignificant things stood out enough to me that I wrote about them in my journal, and sad that I was actually aware at the time that this was the case.

I hated stake dances. I sometimes had small panic attacks when slow songs came on and I realized that my group of girlfriends was slowly being pulled out to the dance floor without me. (My last year or so of going to those dances I actually found myself able to just sit on the wall and let people see that I wasn't dancing, but for years I ran away as fast as I could to the bathrooms.)

You know, I think I just realized what I'm going to do with this post. It's going to become the first in a series of posts like this-- remembering my past, thinking about what I was like, things that made me what I am now. They won't all be as depressing as this one is, but you might as well know now that I wouldn't go back to anything before college for any kind of anything in the entire world.

Never, never, never times a million.

Not a chance.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

Oh My Goodness

I don't know how to put this video actually in the blog cause it won't let me save it, so I'll have to settle for this:

http://www.upchucky.net/flash-fun/smart-bird.html

Amazing! Go watch it, really. And also, can someone figure out for me what on earth that random collection of people happens to be doing together on Animal Planet? I mean, half the cast of Reba and Slater from Saved by the Bell??

Anyway. My sister emailed this to me and I thought it was great, sooo good times. Have fun.

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

I Love My Blog and Here's Why:

I am irritated with no one to complain to, and my computer is sitting right in front of me. Also I'm tired of doing homework. All signs point to blogging.

Dafni texted me today and asked if she and THREE friends could stay with me when she comes down for conference weekend. My apartment, as you all know, is not big enough for this to happen. 1- I'm kind of annoyed that she would bring that many people down here when none of them have anyone to stay with.
2- She wants to stay with Amanda now. This makes sense because Amanda has a big apartment, but it makes me mad because I want Dafni to stay with me. She suggested that I spend the night over there with her, but I don't want to. And of course she and Amanda will both give me crap about it and want to know why, and I don't really want to tell them.

Mike and I are at Dan and Candice's house doing homework and he hasn't spoken to me in like three hours and it's because he 1) has headphones in, which I dislike because it's so exclusive, and 2) is playing CHESS on his computer. (He finished his homework forever ago, so the not talking isn't because he's just working hard.) I hate it when we just sit for hours and don't say anything.

And how do I always manage to put off my homework for my Tuesday night class until Monday, when I have the entire week to do it?

My conclusion is this: I am incompetent.

Grr.